Round 1 Wrap Up

Connection level: I could literally write a weeks worth of posts on what I think this challenge has done for my husband and I, but I will spare you. I will just share that we feel even more incredible about our marriage. Honestly, my husband and I were not in a bad place prior to coming up with this random challenge. We had what we believed to be a satisfying and healthy level of intimacy. We truly feel like our marriage is at another level, (is that even possible and what is the next level… I guess we shall see)…

So, as I mentioned in my first post (if you joined the group later, perhaps you may want to circle back and read it), but I had no idea what this group was going to do and be about. I alluded to having a very challenging year and wanting to change the dynamic, as I felt like life was happening to me and I wanted to take that control back.

We experienced a roller coaster year with a miscarriage last April, which is, quite literally, one of the most devastating things in life. Then weeks later, I had to identify at the hospital a very dear friend who passed away suddenly and spending months thereafter, (even to this day), assisting her husband through the process of trying handle matters and get on his feet. Both of these things combined really took a toll and, I admit, I was not always cognizant of the various areas of my life that these would effect. I was still a wife and a mother who had to keep up with life, as we always do and just keep pushing through.

I am most certain, as with most people who are a part of my life, many of you in this group likely found the initiating of this Ho group to be quite shocking, especially coming from me. While I know I can be random with grand ideas at times and #teamtoomuch, something really kept poking at me to move forward with what I thought at the time was a playful Ho 30 idea. I honestly had no real intentions with this group and in this final week, it came to me and has been quite the cathartic experience and it all makes sense now.

Perhaps I created this group for selfish reasons, as I have recently come to realize. I have gained so much more than even anticipated, by simply speaking aloud about sex. In my adult years, I have been routinely thought of as prudish, unable to connect physically with friends through even a simple hug and making up what I thought were cutesy names for sex… “business”, etc. In thinking back on how long all of this has been going on, I realized that a single terrifying moment in my life had drastically changed me. SUPER VULNERABLE MOMENT: I experienced a sexual assault over 17 years ago. I had no idea that it still had lingering effects even to this day. My mental state and processing went untreated, (HIGHLY recommend seeking treatment, even if years later, you may not know where you are stuck)!!!! Per usual, it happened and I immediately had to continue dealing with life and in no way did I feel I had time to work through and dwell on what happened. Of course, things find their way of showing up in your life when you choose not to deal with them, such as constant nightmares, avoiding certain places, and being unable to engage and connect with people at times.

While I hope this group was interesting, maybe it got you thinking and perhaps you implemented a thing or two… all of that is a bonus, but finally freeing myself was perhaps what I gain most from all of this. We all hope to live our truth, seek to bond over shared experiences, and truly live an authentic life. To think that such an event could suppress so much of me is heartbreaking and I wonder what else I might have missed out on in life during that time…

I appreciate so much, you all simply joining the group, participating where you felt comfortable and being vulnerable as well throughout the process. If this group helped you to have more confidence in communicating your desires or feeling more secure about yourself, then SUCCESS to us all!!!

I am intrigued to continue on with this group for another 30 day challenge, as this may only be the beginning. Perhaps this first round was the icebreaker to introduce us to the idea of talking openly and experiencing the supportive environment of this group.
Let’s take the day to determine what we want to see and get from this group in the next 30 days. Hopefully we continue to grow the group in order to present to a broader audience with different backgrounds and experiences.

Have a fabulous day ladies and embrace your HO-ness!!!💋

#Ho30 #Ho30challenge #selfreflection